


Heartstring

by Ryu_Reikai_Akuma



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Soulmates, Uncle-Nephew Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2014-07-27
Packaged: 2018-02-10 15:18:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2029968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryu_Reikai_Akuma/pseuds/Ryu_Reikai_Akuma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Each dwarf has a string running from their heart to their One. After over a century of fruitlessly searching the dwarf on the other end of his string, Thorin was ready to give up. But, with Dis's persuasion, he agreed to give it one last chance. One month was all he gave. One month of searching and then he would live the rest of his life alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartstring

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: String
> 
> This is supposed to be for last week but I had a case of writer's block. Anyway, I don't usually write soulmate!AU because I frankly don't believe in it. But! This isn't about what I believe or not! I hope you enjoy this fic, which is also a reminder why I shouldn't attempt to write oneshot AU as I tend to drag it on.
> 
> Also, Ao3 for some reason sometimes hide my posts. If you have tumblr you can [follow me](http://demonessryu.tumblr.com) to get update. I don't post much because I don't want to spam but I swear I'm there almost 24/7, at your service.

The string mocked him, moving to nonexistent wind, rising high to the heavens. Balefully, Thorin’s eyes followed the lightly glowing silver string originating from his chest. While it looked similar to regular string, it was anything but. It was unseen to others but the owner and untouchable for everyone, stretching endlessly to supposedly end in another person. Thorin resisted the urge to wave it away from his face, this annoying ridicule of his loneliness. He refused to be reduced to foolishness by a mere string, regardless of whether or not it’s connected to his One.

“Any company?”

Thorin smiled at his best friend, his annoyance temporarily forgotten. “Now there is,” He replied, sipping his drink as Dwalin took a seat next to him.

Dwalin huffed and noisily drank the ale he brought to the table. For a moment they said nothing, enjoying the music and bits of conversations and not to forget the scents of food and ale which filled the establishment. All the tables around them were occupied by groups of friends and relatives, enjoying the evening together after a long hard day at work. Once tired faces now lit up with gladness, happy to escape from stress with the help of nice drink and food and even nicer companions.

“I mean a _real_ company,” Dwalin said after he finished his drink.

Thorin considered giving a diplomatic response but Dwalin always appreciated bluntness without double meanings meant to provide verbal escape. There was no need for Thorin to escape when it came to Dwalin after all.

“You know well there isn’t any,” Thorin scoffed and reached out to where his silver string would be, were it physical. “No. It’s still as usual.”

Dwalin’s gaze followed Thorin’s hand with a frown. “Is it still glowing?”

Hesitantly, Thorin nodded, rather regretting telling Dwalin the state of his heartstring as Dwalin regularly inquired about it. The heart string was supposed to show how one’s actions and words affect his/her One, lighting up when the other dwarf was pleased and dimming when upset; it’s supposed to be a guide in finding the One. Thorin string emanated a faint glow, no brighter than the firelight. It was this light that frustrated him. This light meant that his One was he was in some kind of relationship with him but in his position Thorin interacted with many people. On the days the string glowed brighter or grew dimmer, he would rethink of every word that came out of his mouth, every action he did. Who had he pleased? Who had he hurt? What could he do to make it better? Who could be the one he was looking for? The questions nagged him, leaving him restless but without relief for there were too many faces he saw in a day and the effects of his actions reached far too far. It could be anyone in Middle Earth and Thorin had no way of knowing who it was.

“At least it hasn’t turned black,” Dwalin said in consolation, signing the server to bring him another drink.

Indeed, at least it wasn’t black. That meant the one Thorin would love was still alive. But while that meant Thorin hadn’t completely lost the missing part of his being, it didn’t guarantee anything else. He might not be the dwarf’s One and if he was what if that dwarf wasn’t waiting and searching for him? What if that dwarf had been bound to another? Lengthy search made some give up, choosing a lifetime of celibacy or a relationship with someone pleasant but not who they’re looking for. There was no shame in either choice. It’s perfectly respectable to devote oneself to one’s craft of choice and marriage not based on the connection between the strings could work excellently, as Thorin’s parents had demonstrated. However, there was still some pressure to at least search, there was still a rather large possibility he had been waiting for nothing.

“No, at least it hasn’t turned black,” He agreed to avoid argument.

“I don’t like that look,” Dwalin said, glaring at Thorin. “You’re not thinking of giving up, are you?”

“I’ve waited quite long enough,” Thorin said, shaking his head.

“You think it won’t worth it?” Dwalin asked pointedly.

Thorin raised an eyebrow. It never ceased to amuse him how invested Dwalin was in the matter of heartstring. While he was by no means one of those hopelessly romantic lovers constantly in pursuit of love, his faith in happy ending merely because his string hadn’t turned black was equally admirable and foolish. “And what do you know of how it might worth the search and wait?”

“Nothing,” Dwalin admitted. “But I’ve heard a lot from people who know it well. Dis, for example. Fili! Kili! Come here and cheer your uncle!”

Thorin smiled as his nephews approached his table. Fili seemed hesitant, studying Thorin closely to find any sign of rejection, properly polite as usual. On the other hand, Kili came with a confident grin, certain that he would be welcomed-and honestly who in the world with a heart would want to turn down the companionship he offered?

They joined Thorin and Dwalin and ordered drinks for themselves. From the state of Kili’s hair and dirty spots on his clothes Thorin knew the lads had likely spent some time in the forest again. He resisted the urge to clean the dirt on Kili’s clothes-the lad wasn’t a child anymore-and raised his eyebrows reproachfully instead, although it only earned him a sheepish grin from Kili. As young dwarfs they were often restless confined in the mountain and training didn’t always manage to channel their near endless energy. Fili was more capable of controlling himself, as proven by his impeccable appearance, but Kili was still far from controlling himself, or rather he didn’t seem to have interest in it. Thorin wouldn’t admit it, but he would be very bored if Kili learnt to be as self-possessed as he should be.

“Are you all right?” Fili asked.

“I am,” Thorin nodded to assure him.

“Why is Mister Dwalin asking us to cheer you up then?” Kili asked, looking at Dwalin quizzically, knowing that he would more likely get an answer from his teacher than his uncle.

“He thinks of giving up searching for his One,” Dwalin replied.

Fili frowned thoughtfully, knowing this was a private matter that should be talked about carefully, but Kili had no such reservation. “Why?”

Thorin glanced at Dwalin accusingly but his friend merely stared back at him fearlessly. Sighing, Thorin replied to Kili, knowing that he wouldn’t be left alone if he kept quiet. “I’ve waited for a long time, Kili.”

“Everybody waits for a long time,” Kili argued. “Mister Dwalin is still waiting.”

“Dwalin has a better view of the future than I do.”

Clearly this view was shared by Kili who continued to argue. “It’s a good view.”

“It’s not that easy,” Thorin said, shaking his head.

“You should try harder and give it more time. If you want I can…”

“Kili, mind your place!” Thorin barked, his voice raising. Abruptly, conversation and music in the tavern stopped, everyone was looking at him in shock and fear. A voice of his long-dead teacher reprimanded him in his mind, harshly criticizing his un-kingly conduct. However, Thorin only saw how the light of his string dimmed, now nothing more than a dying star in the corner of the universe, no doubt caused by his lapse of control. So the dwarf was here? A glimmer of hope sparked in his chest but quickly disappeared. He looked at the dying light of his string. It had taken him decades to make it glow silver and just one short outburst to make it almost go out. He couldn’t do this, continually repairing and fighting for what didn’t really exist, what he didn’t actually have in his life, for much longer.

When he turned his attention to Kili, the guilt he saw nearly crushed Thorin. Instantly he regretted his outburst. He should’ve controlled himself better, especially in public. After all, Kili only had the best intentions. Thorin calmed himself and regarded his shocked sister-son with a gentler tone. “I haven’t decided anything, but it’s a thought.” Thorin took a deep breath then patted Kili’s arm. “Aren’t you here to cheer me up?” Thorin asked with a smile.

Kili didn’t answer, not reassured by Thorin’s smile, further making Thorin feel guilty. After a quick glance at his brother, Fili took over. “We went to the forest today. You wouldn’t believe what we saw by the river. Do you know that Gimli….”

Gradually, the activities around them resumed and Kili returned to normal, adding to his brother’s story enthusiastically. Relieved, Thorin nodded and laughed at their tales, not wanting them to think that he was still upset. They ended the night with laughter and Kili seemed almost his usual self if not for the lingering glances he kept giving Thorin. When he finally arrived home, Thorin allowed himself to sigh tiredly. He glared hatefully at his heartstring, its light barely visible even in the near complete darkness of his house. He should apologize to Kili because he had lied. He had made his decision. He couldn’t play this stupid game much longer and no one, not even his most beloved sister-son, could make him change that decision.

* * *

“I heard you’re thinking of stop searching for your One.”

Thorin looked at his sister with raised eyebrow. “Who told you this?” He asked after a moment.

“It doesn’t matter,” Dis said, waving her hand dismissively. She set her cup of tea down and regarded Thorin somberly. “Is it true?”

Thorin sighed, hoping the flow of information stopped there but knowing that it was very unlikely to happen. One slip of tongue and the entire Middle Earth now meddled with his private life. “I’m thinking about it.”

Dis frowned. “Thorin…”

Thorin held his hand up to stop her. “I think that I’ve waited enough.” Thorin smiled ruefully at the troubled look on Dis’s face. “Not all of us can be like you, Dis.”

This didn’t seem to please Dis, although Thorin couldn’t tell why. Unlike others, Dis hadn’t bothered to search for her One. When asked, she had seemed completely disinterested in the concept. Thus, everyone had been surprised when she claimed that a young warrior she had met during travel was the one for her. Their courtship had been a very brief one, but Thorin had never seen any couple as happy or in love as them. They had been-and still was!-the model of the invaluable reward of patience and resilience until Dis’s husband passed away a few decades ago.

“I admit I don’t know how it feels to wait for as long as you have. I was lucky to meet Vilir and immediately recognized him as who he was. The brightness of the string when I was with him, Thorin. If only you could see it,” Dis smiled longingly, thinking of the past. She looked at the table where Thorin knew her heartstring lay black and weathered, a cruel reminder of what had been. “I don’t know the lengthy search and wait, however, I do know how it feels to be with the person you’re meant to be with. I didn’t have a very long time with Vilir but the years I spent with him were my happiest. It’s worth everything, Thorin. Trust me,” Dis said, reaching across the table to hold Thorin’s hand.

“I don’t doubt it,” Thorin said, squeezing her hand. “But I’m not young anymore and I already have Fili as my heir. For me to continue the wait, or to take a life partner merely to fill the void, is unnecessary.”

“But what if that dwarf is looking for you?” Dis pressed.

“Then I am sorry, but it’s my life,” Thorin said firmly. He instantly regretted his harshness when he saw the look of disappointment on Dis’s face. However, it was true. In the end, it’s his life, his decision to make. He wouldn’t base his life decisions on the life of a dwarf he didn’t know, a dwarf who very well might not be looking for him.

Knowing that Thorin had made his decision, Dis sighed unhappily. Still, she wouldn’t give up entirely. “You said you’re still considering it. Wait for a while. Look just a little harder. Maybe that dwarf is right under your nose.”

Thorin chuckled. “Maybe.” She didn’t know how correct she was, but he didn’t want to encourage her. However, he could also tell that Dis had made up her mind and arguing with her in this state generally only caused Thorin grief. So, Thorin nodded to appease Dis. “One month, then I want no mention of this anymore.”

“If you don’t meet your One within the next month, that is,” Dis said confidently. Satisfied, she patted Thorin’s hand and then stood up. “Good. You’re staying for lunch, aren’t you? I’ll have it ready in a moment. Fili and Kili should be home soon.”

As if on cue, the door opened to admit Kili. He looked at Thorin only in mild surprise, as if he had fully expected him there, then looked at his mother. They exchanged no word, but from the look on Kili’s face Thorin could tell who had told Dis about his musing. He sighed and waited until Dis left to find her maid to prepare their lunch before searching for his nephew. He found Kili in the hallway outside his room and grabbed his arm before he could escape.

“Stop it,” Thorin warned. He made sure to keep his voice less harsh this time, remembering how he had hurt Kili the other night. “This decision is mine to make. I’d rather not have everyone else having a say in it.”

Kili looked at him guiltily and then lowered his eyes. “I’m sorry, I just…” He shook his head. “I don’t mean to anger you.”

Thorin released him. “I’m not angry. I only want you to stop meddling with this.” When Kili hesitated to nod or answer, Thorin sighed warily. “Why are you so insistent about this?”

“I want you to be happy,” Kili said quietly, still avoiding Thorin’s eyes.

“Finding your One doesn’t guarantee happiness, Kili. Arguments happen, pain happens, anger and frustration happens. Your one might even be connected to someone else. Happiness isn’t controlled by whether or not you’ve met the dwarf on the other end of your heartstring,” Thorin said reproachfully. “Not being with your One doesn’t equal a miserable life. I’m perfectly happy as I am. Seeing Ered Luin flourish and having you, Fili, and your mother are enough for me. Is that not good enough?”

Finally, Kili lifted his gaze. There was still a light frown on his forehead but he didn’t seem as troubled as before. “I suppose it is,” He admitted. “I just wish you have someone to share your happiness and burdens with.”

Smiling, Thorin patted Kili’s arm. He shouldn’t have expected any less from Kili. He knew both of his nephews care for him, but Kili was the more passionate of the two, always deeply concerned for Thorin’s happiness and unthinkingly doing what he thought would make Thorin happy. It could be rather annoying sometimes, but the kind intention behind Kili’s actions couldn’t be overlooked, without fail softening Thorin’s stubborn resolve. “I think you’ll be happy to know that I’ve promised your mother to wait for a month.” He smiled when Kili looked at him with wide eyes. “Do you know where Fili is? Your mother is preparing lunch for us.”

Kili nodded. “I’ll call him.”

Thorin watched him walk away. He knew Kili well enough that this wasn’t the last of their argument. Kili wouldn’t be satisfied until Thorin swore on his grandfather’s tomb that he would search for his One until his final day. He couldn’t say he looked forward to whatever Kili had in mind although he still appreciated the efforts. With a tired smile, Thorin returned to the sitting room, hoping he was ready for whatever the future had in store for him.

* * *

Apparently Dis was serious when she wanted Thorin to look harder. Since they spoke she had arranged various parties and social events for him to attend. Dis made sure that he attended and properly conversed with each and every guest despite his reluctance-Thorin was used to being around many others, he just preferred not to, especially for this particular cause. However, knowing Dis, Thorin realized it’s wiser to obey her wishes until sufficient time had passed and he could claim that he had tried hard enough.

His only consolation was that he was accompanied by his nephews, particularly Kili who was still determined to not allow him to give up. They distracted him when he felt he was at the end of his patience and entertained him when he was bored. Thorin couldn’t help but notice that they seemed to have better chance in finding the Ones than him. Their youth and friendliness attracted many guests, especially the younger ones. Fili thrived on the attention yet carefully kept his distance from other dwarfs, worried he had caught the attention of Thorin’s One. While personally Thorin didn’t mind (it’s difficult to feel jealous for someone he didn’t know even if that person was supposed to be meant for him), this seemed to bother Fili who spent less and less time in these social functions.

On the other hand, while Kili received similar attention, he ignored them in favor of focusing on Thorin. Never did he leave Thorin’s side for too long and when he did, Thorin had no doubt he was silently observing him somewhere not too far. It should be irritating, but somehow it wasn’t. Thorin had always had a soft spot for him and seeing the proof of how much Kili cared for him in return pleased him, even though the current situation was far from favorable for Thorin.

However, despite their efforts, Thorin’s heartstring remained dim and no dwarf caught his eyes. Except for exhaustion and irritability, the parties didn’t affect Thorin in any way. After a month of indulging his sister and nephew’s request, he felt it was time to stop wasting everyone’s time. There were other matters which required his attention more urgently than his private life. As much as he’d love to find his One, he couldn’t let his life revolve around only that search. If he must sacrifice his role as a lover in order to be a proper king, then so be it.

“I’m not going,” Thorin said when Kili came to his study to deliver yet another invitation from Dis. “I won’t go anymore.”

“But…”

“Kili,” Thorin interrupted. “I promised to try and I have tried. This won’t work. It’s time for all of us to accept that.”

Kili bowed his head, frowning at the floor. He didn’t try to argue but his objection was clear in the way he pursed his lips and his fists clenched on either side of his body. Thorin’s heart ached at the sight but he had made up his mind.

“If you’re worried about me, I assure you that I’m perfectly content,” Thorin said.

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Kili muttered.

Thorin frowned and left his desk to approach Kili. “Kili, there’s nothing wrong with not being with or meeting your One. I may never know how it feels to have what your parents had, but that doesn’t mean I will be miserable.”

Denying Kili anything had always been difficult, but it seemed to be never more so than the moment. Thorin’s eyes followed the thin grayish string floating in the air in front of him, blaming it for its existence. Things would’ve been so much easier had he not been born with it as some dwarfs. Waiting and searching aimlessly wouldn’t have crossed his mind then. This problem wouldn’t have occurred, he would be able to choose what to do with his life with little objection from others.

But there was no use in thinking what could’ve been. Thorin took a deep breath and focused on Kili. He smiled although Kili couldn’t see it. “Instead of thinking of my private life, why don’t we think of yours and Fili’s. Both of you received a fair bit of attention in the parties.”

Kili heaved a deep breath and looked away, looking upset now instead of saddened. “They like Fili but not for the right reason. He’s the crown prince. They just want to be the next consort of Erebor, not to be Fili’s partner.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do!” Kili insisted, finally meeting Thorin’s eyes. The determination and protectiveness Thorin had seen many times in the past few weeks shone in his eyes.

Thorin raised his hand to stop the beginning of an argument. “All right. He doesn’t have to choose among the guests if he doesn’t want to.” Thorin paused, reveling in the satisfied look on Kili’s face. “And what of you?”

Kili looked perplexed. “Me?”

“Is there anyone that catches your eye?” Thorin asked.

Kili studied Thorin’s face for a moment, perhaps seeking approval. Thorin tried to express his willingness to accept whatever Kili’s answer was and it seemed to work. Kili nodded firmly.

Bitterness seeped into Thorin, quickly turning into guilt. It seems that just as his parents, Kili was also lucky in the matter of romance. Thorin should be happy for that, he shouldn’t have expected anyone to share the same fate as he. Leading a life alone wasn’t necessarily equal to misery, but he shouldn’t begrudge anyone for finding love. “I see. Is she your One?”

“I’m very sure he is.”

“He?” Thorin repeated, surprised.

Kili swallowed thickly, his gaze wavered for split second but he managed to hold Thorin’s gaze. “Yes,” He confirmed. His voice was clear but there was uncertainty in his eyes.

Thorin quickly recovered himself. He smiled as he patted Kili’s shoulder to comfort him. “I didn’t expect that,” He admitted. “But if you’re sure he’s the one, I’m happy for you.” He frowned when Kili gave him a wry smile. “What’s wrong?”

“He doesn’t share the same feeling,” Kili said, shaking his head. “Although he doesn’t hate me, as far as I can tell he doesn’t care for me. I’m just another dwarf for him.”

“Then he’s a fool,” Thorin said, the strength in his voice surprising himself. He cleared his throat self-consciously. “Have you tried to approach him or…”

“I have,” Kili answered. He then smiled in self-mockery. “I am.”

Thorin frowned as he made a mental list of any dwarf Kili was close to. Even with the ladies removed, the list was long, seeing how sociable Kili was. It could’ve been anyone and Thorin regretted not spending more time with Kili to know who he treated in a special way, who this mysterious dwarf who had captured then ignored Kili’s attention was, so he could…. He shook his head. Kili was his favorite nephew but this was none of his business, he reminded himself harshly.

“If he doesn’t pay attention to you then he is not worthy of you,” Thorin said, some of his anger seeping into his voice. Thankfully, Kili took no offense.

Kili smiled thinly. “Perhaps so, but I’ll make one last gamble,” he murmured

Before Thorin could understand, he felt Kili’s finger on the back of his hand, touching him tentatively. His eyes widened when Kili stared at him with a hopeful but guarded expression. Thorin froze as Kili lightly traced his hand, not trying to hold it, just gauging his reaction, ready to apologize and leave if his advances were rejected then never mention this again for the rest of their lives. Kili would not begrudge him if he rejected, he would remain loyal by Thorin’s side, he would keep his feelings to himself, he would be hurt but he would smile, putting himself last for Thorin’s sake as always. No, that shouldn’t happen, Thorin didn’t want to see that happening.

Without thinking, Thorin grabbed Kili’s wandering finger. Thorin tried to say something, give some kind of explanation-why he did this, why it felt the right thing to do, what exactly he meant by this-but his mind was a mess of unfinished thoughts and he couldn’t get the words out. Swallowing thickly, he held Kili’s hand properly and gave a hesitant smile.

Thorin inhaled sharply as his heartstring pulsated and shone bright as the moon and the light enveloped him. He felt warm and in peace. Not only his mind was quiet, his body also relaxed, contentment spreading all over him starting from the string, from his heart. While he couldn’t see its end as it ascended to the sky, he knew that it’s connected to Kili. Fleeting thoughts crossed his mind: _So that’s how it felt_ and _this was how it’s meant to be_. When Thorin gathered enough wits to focus on Kili, he noticed that Kili had a slack-jawed expression on his face. He looked at Thorin, eyes wide.

“Do you see that?” Kii asked in awe. When Thorin didn’t reply Kili‘s smile dropped, replaced by a crestfallen expression. Chin wavering in pain, he looked away and pulled his hand.

“Wait!” Thorin hastily tightened his grip on Kili’s hand. The look Kili gave him was a mixture of hopefulness and sorrow and absolutely devastated Thorin. At that moment there was nothing more Thorin wanted than to remove the look from Kili’s face, to make him smile again, to see him happy always. Thorin swallowed thickly, a little disoriented by the unexpected discovery yet thrilled, for the first time in too many decades, of the prospect of his future. He looked at his heartstring glitter, no longer did it look mocking. Instead, it was now promising and exciting even, knowing that on its other end-connected somehow in a way he could not see but believed to be real nonetheless-was Kili. “I see it, too.”

Perhaps he should say more to comfort Kili, assure him of the unknown, warn him of the uncertain. But Kili was smiling in such joy and Thorin thought words were no longer required. He gently traced Kili’s face, seeing it anew now from the perspective of an adoring new lover, committing everything to memory to treasure.

There was still a chance that despite everything, they would find each other unsuitable to be together. It would not be easy-he had his temper and responsibilities and Kili had his passion and curiosity-and there was much for them to learn about each other and about them as one. But seeing the trust in Kili’s eyes, Thorin vowed he would do anything in his power to make this work for them. He knew that Kili was well worth the wait and the effort.


End file.
